For Richer or Poorer; In Sickness and In Health

In just over a week, Clint and I will celebrate our one year wedding anniversary. I tend to think most couples celebrate and reflect on the amazingly wonderful year that has just passed. For us? Well, we'll be celebrating our survival- not the survival of our marriage (neither of us have any doubt that we'll be married until death do us part)- but the survival of the 365 days that have passed since we said 'I do.'

I don't want this blog post to turn in to a pity party, so I'll keep descriptions short and move along from there to make my point(s).


In our first year of marriage, Clint and I will have survived the following:

• Moving out of state and out of our comfort zones
• Losing my job which included benefits that paid for Clint's school as well as health insurance
• Clint leaving his part-time church job
• Doctor appointment after doctor appointment after doctor appointment
• Multiple biopsies, tests and procedures
• Two surgeries
• Putting down my sweet dog of almost 11 years

We have been tested physically, emotionally, and spiritually. To be completely transparent, there are days where I find it very difficult to be happy for friends and family who seem to have wonderful thing after wonderful thing happen to them. I settle in to my own little pity party, wallowing in my hardships. When it rains it pours so why bother with the umbrella, right?


I think of all the times we've been burned in the past year. There's just something that cuts so deep, straight to the heart, when you are hurt by a fellow believer or even someone claiming to be. It shakes you. It wakes you up to the depravity of man. And if you're not careful, it turns you into a bitter, judgemental, self-righteous person and throws you in the group with the rest of them.

A year ago, Clint and I could not even imagine what lay ahead. But God knew what was coming. Not one thing in our journey took Him by surprise. God is teaching me that sometimes during hard trials in our life, we can't do much except endure, pray and remember God's promises and commands. Come to Him and He will give you rest (Matt 11:28). God takes care of us and will supply all our needs (Phil 4:19). God is working all things together for good (Rom 8:28). God knows all (Ps 139). Love your neighbor as yourself (Matt 22:39). Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matt 5:44).


It's been a tough year but God is faithful.  And while things seem to be rather difficult and flat out overwhelming at times, we try to focus on the good things: I love my current job, we're not drowning in debt, Clint is excelling and enjoying his new job, we have a roof over our head, food to eat, and a loving church family. Clint and I know the Lord called us to Fort Worth for a reason. He is our foundation and we are choosing to place our trust in Him alone and count our blessings as best we can. Some days are a little more tough than others, but thanks be to God that Clint and I can travel this journey together with Him.

So, Clint, here's to you baby. Thanks for walking with me hand in hand through this difficult year and not just saying those vows on our wedding day, but living them day by day. I love you.

I was doing pretty well blogging on a monthly basis but then my facebook started blowing up from all my friends blogging too. You see, those close to me know there's this thing inside me that likes doing things until I find out everyone else is doing them too and then it sort of just loses its appeal...and I lose interest...and I quit blogging. Don't get me wrong- I'm glad my friends blog. Most of them started blogging before I did. I just wasn't aware of it and the "newness" sounded fun. Anyways, all of that to say I'm still blogging because I know my family and friends still want to know what's going on. So I will "endeavor to persevere"...for now.

Clint and I are just over two months away from being married an entire year! I know. It's crazy. I was telling him the other day that some days it feels like we just got married yesterday and then other days feel like we have been married for-ev-er. I think (*hope*) this is normal. I could tell you these almost 10 months have been filled with us leaping through flowery fields while giggling and whispering to each other. But then, well, I'd be lying. Everyone knows it's ridiculously tough to leap AND whisper. But seriously, that doesn't really describe our relationship. We get more joy out of laughing at how the two of us (so very completely different, yet so similar) ended up married. It's a wonderful thing. Clint constantly calls me an old lady because I'm usually in bed before 10pm. What people don't know is that he makes fun of me while wearing a white t-shirt, plaid boxer shorts, and tall argyle socks. Now who's the old one? Little things (like that) that we can both laugh about bring us such joy.

Here's a praise: Clint has a new job! He was hired on at Sam's Club as a part-time cashier and after his first week has already been moved to the electronics department. By the way, Sam's has an 80" television. If you're thinking about what to get us for our one year anniversary, we definitely would not turn that down. It's $4500. Just a drop in the bucket, right? We're trying to focus on the positive. The job pays well and they are going to work with his school schedule when he starts back up in the fall. The down side is that Clint often has to work nights and weekends, which limits our time together. It's a bummer but sacrifices must be made!

Things my way have been going well, too. The people I work for currently have their house on the market. Right now I have to drive 30 minutes to get to work and the mom has to drive 30 minutes to get to work (in Fort Worth). Join me in prayer that their house will sell soon. This would save us all a lot of time and a lot of gas money! If by chance you know of anyone looking for a nice house in Mansfield, Texas- by all means, send them my way!

I've been doing some "soul-searching" and trying to figure out how to pool my talents, gifts, and abilities together to make an impact for the Gospel. While I try to live daily for Christ, I have a desire (I believe to be from God) to do something BIG. I really can't remember ever not having this feeling but with my 25th birthday approaching and looking around and seeing my peers with careers (rhyming!) and/or children of their own, I can't help but feel like I'm falling behind. I don't particularly want a career and although I would love to have children right now, it's probably best to wait until Clint gets done with school or at least almost done. I just feel like time is wasting and since none of us are guaranteed to live tomorrow, I should really get on it. So I'm just trying to pray and listen and figure out what it is that I can do to make a big difference. Not a "world peace" or "save the whales" difference, but more of a "If you were to die today, do you know where you'd be going" difference. I wholeheartedly believe that stay-at-home moms and career women can make a large impact for Christ and I know several women who do just that through their conversations and actions. I want to be one of those moms some day. I just feel as though God is whispering....and I can't quite make out what He is saying but I get butterflies thinking about the possibilities.

Well that will about wrap up today's post. I've gone and inspired myself to start looking at possible options. Toodles for now!

It's not gross. It's gorgeous.

A few days ago, I attempted to blog but didn't really feel like I was writing anything worth reading. I was hoping something would come to me as I typed, but in the end nothing came. So here is attempt number two.

March is over which means we are through the first quarter of 2012...which means that I'm one quarter through the Bible. There are several "Read through the Bible in a year" plans online and I found one that has some of the Old Testament and some of the New Testament to read everyday. I'll admit that most Mondays I have to read three days worth but I'm still on schedule and that makes me pretty happy.

I just finished the book of Judges which contains the life story of Samson. Basically, God spoke to Samson's mother and was like, "You're going to have a son. He's going to be rad. Don't cut his hair. I've got big plans for him." Samson was one strong dude. He tore a lion in half with his bare hands. Samson > Chuck Norris. Samson fell in love with a woman named Delilah (or as I like to to say "Dee-lye-luhhhh". Anyone besides me listen to her radio talk show?) Delilah wanted to know the secret to Samson's strength. She asked him, or rather told him, to tell her the secret of his great strength. The story goes on, Samson tells his secret, she turns him in to the Philistines (the enemy), they subdue him, pluck out his eyes, lock him up and then Samson literally collapses a temple with him inside, killing several thousand Philistines and himself. It's really a fascinating story. If you haven't read it, read it here.

Then there's this other story in Judges that talks about this guy (We'll call him Levi) who is traveling with his concubine. The sun is setting so they stop at the nearest town in hopes that someone will let them stay overnight. A kind old man opens his home to them. That night, townspeople pound on the door and ask the old man to send out Levi so they can have sex with him. The old man sends out the concubine instead. The townspeople raped her and beat her all night long. She crawled back to the front of the house and that morning Levi found her dead at the door. He cuts up her body into 12 pieces and sends a piece to each of the twelve tribes of Israel. They unite and wage war on the town. Again, fascinating story found here.

As I'm reading these passages, I find myself excited and thrilled that Samson brought down the temple and killed all those Philistines. I'm waving my foam finger as Israel attacks that perverse town where the concubine was put through unimaginable pain. I'm shouting in my head, "Victory!!" and "Justice!!" and "They got what they deserved!"

As I think on that I realize that this is my biggest blessing: I didn't get what I deserved. By the world's standards, I'm a pretty good person. I go to church. I read my Bible. I don't get drunk or do drugs. I'm nice to other people. I hold the door open for the elderly AND I say bless you when someone sneezes. But living by the world's standards and seeking the world's approval won't save me from eternity in hell. God is a just God. We have all sinned against Him (Romans 3:23). That separates us from God and Heaven. However, God, in his infinite mercy, sent his son Jesus Christ to be crucified so that we may be redeemed. Jesus lived a perfect life on earth and was therefore the only sacrifice that would be worthy, the ONLY sacrifice that God will accept on our behalf. He died for sins I committed. Crucified to pay my ransom then raised from the dead, proving death has no power over Him. HE paid MY debt. And by believing and professing Christ as my Savior, when God looks at me, He doesn't see my sin. He sees me, dripping with the beautiful blood of Christ. I'm covered in it from head to toe. And it's not gross. It's gorgeous.

Tiiiiiiiiime is on my side, YES IT IS!

Another month has come and gone. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable about how fast time seems to pass (I know, I know- it'll only get worse as I get older), but then I remember there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. So why bother feeling uncomfortable? Admittedly, the feeling usually only lasts a good solid 30 to 45 seconds.

On February 6, Clint and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary. We didn't do anything extravagant and that's okay. I feel like if you do all the great things when you first get married, you have less to look forward to in the future. So we continue to dream together about one day taking a cruise and spending more than $30 on a pair of jeans.

We filed our federal taxes and received a much bigger refund than we expected! Most of it went to savings but we splurged and bought ourselves a new queen mattress with part of the refund. I was so glad to see the delivery people pick up and carry our old mattress out the door. It is so wonderful being able to sleep on my side without my knee in the back of Clint. And Clint has yet to sucker punch me in the middle of the night so I'd say so far so good.

In other news, Clint gave his notice and is no longer working at his part-time Church job in Keller, TX. I firmly believe God provided that job when we needed (in fact, it was the same day I lost my job) and I'm thankful that we were able to transition smoothly from my old job to my new job without too much financial burden. However, ultimately we didn't feel that God was calling us to join the church (which was a requirement for Clint's position). We are now attending a closer church and really enjoy it. Pray for Clint as he searches for other part-time employment.

Our baby boy (read: dog) is hanging in there. His poor hips are so arthritic that he walks with a hobble and can't get up very well. His appetite is better than ever, he continues to do his business outside, and he seems to be genuinely happy. As long as that's the case, we'll keep him around. We just don't want him to live in misery. It's dreadful to think about so I'm going to change the subject. <--It's my blog. I can do what I want.

Being a nanny makes me think about what and how I want teach my kids. One thing that I'm particularly thankful for is the fact that my parents taught me to listen. They taught me how to carry on an intelligent conversation. That's not to say all of our conversations were intelligent. One day on the way home, dad said, "Hey Kaley, let's sing the word 'potato' all the way home. Want to?" I agreed and so we sang/yelled. Was that conversation one you would call intelligent? Well that depends on who you ask. I say it was brilliant. Back to the point. It angers me when people spend more time formulating their defense while their opposer is speaking, rather than just listening to the speaker. If you don't have an answer right away, you'll probably have to say something very profound. Something along the lines of, "I don't have an answer right now." I'm all for a healthy debate but this yelling back and forth stuff is ridiculous. And it kind of makes you look like an idiot.

The second thing on a very long list of things to teach my kiddos is to teach them how to apologize. I was terrible at this when I was younger. In fact, I'm still not great at it. I had a genuinely hard time saying the words, "I'm sorry." I hated being wrong. So yes, there will be a point in time where my kids will say I'm sorry. <---- see that little dot there at the end of the sentence? That's it. It ends there. The apology could be made longer by including the word "for" and then an explanation of why they are sorry and then finishing it all off with a "Do you forgive me?" However, the apology cannot be made longer by including the word "but."

Example: I'm sorry for punching you in the face but you kind of deserved it.

No. When apologizing, we should humble ourselves and seek forgiveness for our wrongdoing, rather than justifying our actions and making ourselves feel better by saying "sorry."

I serve one patient God, that's for sure. And I'm so thankful He continues to forgive me even when I'm too busy formulating a response to actually listen to what He's saying.

Oops, I did it again.

One of the initial goals of this blog was to make at least one entry per month. Oops. As of yesterday, I did not meet my goal. I'm not really all that upset about not accomplishing said goal. Besides, I'm only one day off- that's close enough, right?

Updates, updates, updates. Maybe the reason I haven't posted is because not that much has been going on. Please don't misread me-- I'm not complaining. Clint and I have had enough "going-ons" (or is it "goings-on"?) these first six months of marriage. We are completely content with remaining going(s)-onless for at least a little longer. 

Clint has started his second semester of Seminary. It's a lot of work but he is a hard worker and continues to do his best. It can be a little discouraging sometimes, knowing that he could choose another degree and be in and out in 2 years with not nearly the amount of time-consuming and difficult work. I used to say quite often that just because we don't like it, doesn't mean we're not supposed to be here. I still believe that. However, I do believe that sometimes we don't like it and that does mean we're not supposed to be here. We're not questioning whether or not Clint should be at Southwestern. We know that is where God called us. But Clint hasn't received any real clear direction yet as to which part of the ministry, specifically, God wants him to pursue. So we wait. And that's okay because God's timing is perfect and our view is small. The frustrating part is not knowing which degree would best suit his calling and making sure we don't take the easy way out just because it's easy. So join us in prayer as we wait on the Lord and seek direction.

My job continues to be totally amazing and nothing short of a blessing. Watching an almost 7 month old girl everyday sends me home in the best mood. There is no other explanation than just the cold hard fact that I love my job. The other day I got baby poop on my hand. She dropped a bomb and I was holding her feet with one hand and wiping with the other. I looked down and there it was, smeared on the back side of my thumb, baby excrement. This wasn't no magical trail of chocolate chips- this was warm, green poop. That's when you know you love your job. Poop on your hand and life is still good. 

And life is good. But I still miss home. I don't even have a clear definition of what (or where for that matter) my "home" is at the moment. I miss my parents. They recently moved to Shreveport, LA and even though I saw them at Christmas, I feel like it has been ages. I miss my brother in Austin, TX and hate that we don't see each other that often. I miss my grandma and grandpa Schafer in Fort Smith, AR. They are such a joy. I miss my church family. I miss my church. I miss my best friends from high school in Washington state. One just gave birth to a beautiful little boy, Colby, and the other is engaged to be married this coming summer. Such big moments in their lives and I want to be there for every single one of them. But geographical location and our budget just don't allow for all of it. That's the price you pay when you move though. You make some new friends and grow closer over time, but you also have to leave the others. That's just the way the cookie crumbles. I don't feel abnormal. I don't feel depressed. I feel like living in a new place away from my comfort zone should warrant me missing those close to me (not all are listed above by the way. I miss many and much more...just didn't want my readers getting depressed so I cut it short ;)) I'm thankful for my life experiences thus far. I'm thankful that my family moved a lot. I'm not entirely sure I would handle this thing called "Change" as well if we hadn't.

Life is good. I miss home. And we're out of Nalley Chili. 

Sweet with just a pinch of bitter

2011. What a bittersweet 365 days. I'm blessed to say that there is at least some sweet with every bitter moment. Let me elaborate:

1.) Bitter: Cancer. Grandpa spent much of 2011 in battle against Multiple Myeloma (cancer in the bloodstream). He and my grandma spent much of their time in Little Rock for treatment. Consequently, they missed out on visiting family and living their "normal" life. Sweet: With the help of our Lord, Grandpa is kicking his cancer in the tail! Although he can never be in true remission, his numbers are low and he is back home and back to work! Thanks to all who have prayed and are still praying and thanks to God-- to Him be the glory forever!
2.) Bitter: Migraines. I made a visit to the Emergency Room this year. I had a terrible migraine and when I finally got the strength to get up and get some food, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Yikes. I called my dad (didn't want to alarm my mom....she tends to get a little worked up) and told him my eye was almost swollen shut and the rest of my face was puffy. My dad hates going to the doctor as much as I do so I figured he would tell me to just sleep it off. No such luck. Dad said to go the ER. I'm a 24 year old, grown woman. I make my own decisions. But don't nobody argue with my daddy. He says go, I go. So I called my boyfriend (husband now) and he picked me up. My uncle met us at the ER and didn't hide his thoughts. I believe the first statement out of his mouth was, "Kaley, you look like a Klingon." My uncle has such a way with words. Sweet: Although the ER wasn't able to provide me with any answers, the doctor did write me a referral to see a neurologist. After moving to Fort Worth and suffering through a few more migraines, I visited one of those fancy headache doctors and was given some pretty strong medicine that, so far, seems to nip it in the bud. Nip it, nip it, nip it!
3.)Bitter: We moved away from our wonderful Fort Smith family. We attended a church that we loved, enjoyed being close to our family, had some truly wonderful friends, and we left. Sweet: We left because God called us to. That is sweet enough in itself. Related to this move is my personal favorite part of 2011-- Clint and I got engaged and married! You can't get much sweeter than Clinton Thomas Johnson. That's not being mushy, that's just fact. Yes, he may be gullible. Yes, I did convince him one time that I had a miniature pony named Freckles. But darn it, that man is sweet.
4.)Bitter: We moved in August and in November I was laid off from my job. My job that paid well. My job that provided benefits. My job that paid for my husband's tuition. I have never been laid off or fired or asked to leave. Let me tell you- It hurts. I was mad, then sad, then offended, then frustrated, then hopeful, then understanding, then optimistic, then pessimistic, then mad, then sad, then offended, then frustrated, then hopeful again. And the cycle continued. Objectively, I totally understand the situation and I understand why the decision was made. Subjectively, I have a bit of a harder time. Regardless of how I felt or feel, I know that God has a plan and that He would provide. Sweet: And provide He has! The day I lost my job is the same day that Clint accepted a part-time job at a church. And this Monday, I start my new job. A job that will cover the bills, a job that I look forward to going to each day, a job that really doesn't seem like much of a "job" at all.

Oh how bittersweet this year has been. I'm thankful for the bitter because it brings some sweet eventually. And I'm sure that the sweet wouldn't be nearly as sweet if we didn't experience a little bit of the bitter. <-- wow. That belongs on a bookmark.

Now for the part that is totally unrelated to the bittersweet theme. Clint and I got a new 4 inch memory foam mattress topper for Christmas!! We're still on a full size mattress and I kid you not I got punched in the back again by my sweet, apparently cage-fighting husband last night. We don't have more room, but at least we have more comfort.

Well that's all for now. 15 minutes until I "clink" imaginary glasses full of imaginary sparkling cider with my husband and then go to bed. I know, I.am.a.wild.child.


 

 

Father, help us.

The world seems to be a very sad place lately with news of those around me losing a child, losing a wife, losing a mother, news of kids who won’t hear their sweet mother’s soft voice again, mothers and fathers who won’t be able to cradle their child, husbands whose vision of growing old with their spouse has been snatched away. It’s sad. It’s sudden. It’s severe.

Amidst my transcribing today, I began typing the words that flowed through my headphones—words of great loss, words of great suffering and trial, but also words of hope. The young speaker spoke of the death of his two brothers, mother and father. Over the period of six years, all of his immediate family was gone. As overwhelming and heartbreaking as this was for him to experience, God used it to deepen this man’s relationship with Christ. He has been able to use his somber experiences to share with others and tell them of the Hope, the Rock, the Cornerstone on which they can stand. This is an example that illustrates Romans 8:28-29 so very well. “And we know that all things work together for good to those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren.” ALL THINGS. Why? So that we can be conformed to the image of His son. So that we can learn and grow more in our relationship with Christ. Who is ‘we’? ‘We’ are believers. ‘We’ are those that believe God sent His only son to die on a cross for us, carrying the weight of our sin, and rose again three days later conquering death and declaring victory over sin.

Believers, I type all this not to say that the journey through pain will be made easy or that these words are somehow supposed to fill the seemingly ever present whole in one’s heart. I type all this to say that there is hope. I type all this to say that there is purpose. There is PURPOSE. There is a comforter, THE Comforter that will wrap you in His arms. There is a firm foundation, unwavering, firm through the fiercest drought and through the fiercest storm. Stand in the love of Christ, not standing by your own strength, but standing by the strength of Christ, who loves you and gave Himself for you.

I have not experienced any devastating loss in my life as of yet. My fear is that it will come soon and suddenly as it did with those around me. My prayer is that I will reflect Christ, that I will cling to my Savior, that I will stand not because of my own strength but because of His strength. I can’t get through this song without tears and I believe it says it best when it opens with the following: In Christ along my hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song. This cornerstone, this solid ground, firm through the fiercest drought and storm. What heights of love, what depths of peace. When fears are stilled, when strivings cease. My Comforter, my All in All, Here in the love of Christ I stand.